Why Russian knights on the territory of Ukraine turned to the legacy of Harry Potter

Recently, strange things have been happening to the Russian Orthodox army, which can’t be explained by alcoholism and the smoking of ammunition alone. To be honest, "Bayraktar" was suspected for a long time, but it seems to be of no use here either.

This story began long before the mysterious events, the culmination of which was the current offensive of no less than three times destroyed Ukrainian troops in the Southern direction, the goal of which was, as always, to cover the traces of a terrible crime, the thread of which stretches to the very top. Back in June, in the city of Kherson, in one of the cafes during the working day, a creative discussion broke out between Pushkinists from the FSB and necrophiles from the ranks of the military. Nekraphiles were proving to the Pushkinists that Nekrasov was better; Pushkinists, of course, adhered to the version that pushka is pushka (play on words - a cannon is a cannon), and you can use it to knock down whoever you want, including Nekrasov himself. Cornet Obolenskyi poured wine, Lieutenant Golitsyn lose his heart on Dostoevsky's book, Colonel Zherzhvetskyi's fiancee, Mrs. Zvizdetska, performed Alyabyev's romance "Pryplyvly", and someone was already taking her to the room with six people, when suddenly bayonets flashed somewhere in the river, and everyone rushed to defend the Russian-speaking boy who was chased by binderovtsy with a big board, a hammer, and four nails.

It had to be like that, and it certainly would have been. Instead, suddenly the servicemen in that cafe got drunk, as did the FSB-men, and they started their “why do you drink alcohol in uniform, but what about you without uniform, then swearing, cursing” song that was followed by shooting… three corpses, two barely warm, one escaped...

How could this happen to such spiritual, highly educated people?! Of course, no way, but then whose intrigues are these, which stretch their roots directly across the ocean?

The investigation of the Investigative Committee of the Russian Federation showed that Bayraktar was involved in the case. Head of the Radiation, Chemical and Biological Defense Forces of the Russian Armed Forces, Ihor Kyrylov did not hide the fact that Ukraine sent a request to the Turkish manufacturer of these primitive drones regarding the possibility of equipping "Bayraktars" with aerosol spraying systems with a capacity of more than 20 liters. Terrible figure! After all, if on that fateful day 20 liters of vodka were sprayed over a coffee shop in Kherson, then nothing surprising, ladies and gentlemen, alas, not at all!

The Russian investigation shows that "Bayraktars" are everywhere, in particular, they fly into the territory of Russia. Repeatedly non-drinking Dmitry Medvedev has never taken practically anything in his mouth in his life. Still, in recent months he is constantly drunk, shouts about the end of the world on social networks and with strange persistence tries to post a dickpic, but his camera lacks zoom; in addition, a mysterious alcoholic condensate always settles on it. Who secretly intoxicates Dmitry Medvedev without his slightest knowledge with 20 liters of alcoholic aerosol? Isn't this "Bayraktar" that a week ago personally hypnotized a Moscow woman against the war (what war?!), forcing her to burn the car of the chief military censor of the Ministry of the so-called Defense of the Russian Federation? Isn't it from "Bayraktar" that on the way to the most beautiful TV journalist of Russia, Margarita Simonyan, the appetizing fragrant beavers sewn with grenades into the balls are being constantly dropped?

Fortunately, the beautiful journalist always walks with security, and every time Margarita, lured by the piquant smell of beaver, was attacking the ball, but the guard was the first to reach him. "What are you doing," said Margarita, "it's just a delicious beaver sewn into a ball!". "If I had the task of eliminating you," the guard answered her, "I would have done exactly like that: I would have put a tasty beaver sewn it into a ball on your way." A witty and very kind man.

It is a pity that such a person was not found next to the head of the board of directors of the Lukoil company Ravil Maganov, who the other day in a strange at first glance manner fell from the window of the sixth floor of the Central Clinical Hospital in the city of Moscow. Rumors say that a minute before the fall, an unknown "Bayraktar" was hanging in front of the window of Mr. Maganov's room and said to him: "I say, jump, come on, you ugly animal." "No!" Maganov resolutely answered. "Noooo! Aaaah!".

Many things in Russia can be explained by "Bayraktars", even the reason for the attack on Ukraine - but, unfortunately, not everything, and this is very alarming to the competent authorities of the Ministry of the so-called Defense. So, they say that on September 1, in his keynote addressed to schoolchildren in Kaliningrad, Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin had to say the following: "Hardworking is a talent of its own. It's not just a rubber butt - it's a rubber pussy!". However, something made him dramatically change the script of the speech, and it was definitely not "Bayraktar" because Putin is guarded by the best in the world air defense. Everyone was already getting excited here, it was just some kind of mysticism, real transoceanic sorcery. What can such a churched country like Russia oppose to witchcraft? Orthodox faith, of course!

Already two days later in Mariupol painted "Deathly Hallows" amulets appeared on the Russian tanks from the book of the same name about the bourgeois warlock Harry Potter. Although what kind of warlock is he? The latest research by Russian scientists proves that Harry Potter was actually a good Orthodox boy. And of course, he always supported a special military operation.